Hold On
by Cintia J
Summary: After Emma being taken by Darkness, Hook lays on his ship's quarters, thinking about her, and remembering their shared moments


"I love you"

She finally said it. But it wasn't as he had expected it, or hoped for. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and there was a terrified expression on her face, as he never saw before. And he wasn't even able to utter a single word. How he wished he could have kissed her, at least one more time! The brief moment of their foreheads touching, both knowing this could be their very last instant together, refused to abandon him, and filled up his nightmares in the rare moments in which sleep took over him. Because, how could he sleep? How could he rest without knowing where she was? How she was?

The Jolly Roger's cabin had never been so small. Or lonelier. Or quieter. The room that once held everything he needed and wanted, was now a cold, hollow place, in which he lingered alone, lost in his thoughts and memories… Where every night was just an endless amount of hours of sadness, solitude, and despair. How different from the year they spent apart from each other! Because then, he had been without her, but at least knowing where she was, and that she wasn't alone. She had her son, and a home, and he knew, though her life was a fake, that she was alive, and happy. But now… he had nothing. Just memories. And regrets.

He clenched his fist in anger. More than once he thought life was all about that. Creating hope, making him find happiness… just to rip everything from him, over and over again. Breaking his heart, and healing it, just to open the wound again before it had time to fade away. Destiny seemed to have a taste for toying with him like that.

The soft lullaby of the sea around the ship had always been calming. But now, not even that could soothe his soul. The only one who could do it was gone. Perhaps forever. Laying in the narrow bed, in a room solely lit by the dying flame of the only candle he could find around the ship, he let himself be consumed by his thoughts… Or rather, his only one. And, all the sudden and against his will, he smiled slightly. How beautiful, how brave, he had noticed she was from the very moment he met her. Her betrayal back then made him furious, but he didn't know… He couldn't understand. Who would have known back then she would become his world, his heart… his happiness?

" _Perhaps you are the one who couldn't handle it_ ", he had said, teasing her. He smiled again on his solitude, remembering their very first, truly shared moment. It was impulsive. Pure passion. Sparks. The reaction to a tension that loomed over them since the moment they met. He couldn't deny he had thought before of how a kiss from her would taste like, but not even his head prepared him for that… For the sealing of his destiny, for the realization that she was more to him than anything he could want. Because the one who thought about kissing her and the one who actually kissed her were two different men. Fate threw them together, and he had been far gone even before being aware of the fact. Somewhere, along that long, difficult way, he fell for her. Gods, he _loved_ her. Yes. He had recognized it as their lips met in that long desired intensity, after so many centuries with his heart heavy with the pain of loss, that burning wrath that never left him… But their fiery kiss made him know that he could never be the same again. His hand on her hair, and then travelling down her waist, her hands grabbing his collar as clinging to life itself, his lips devouring her with sizzling passion, his heart pounding with newfound life… Somehow, that felt right. Different. Alive. But she had let go of him, and assured it would never happen again. As he looked at her going away, he had to resist to urge to go after her, grab her arm, and capture her lips once again, even more passionately, this time to never let her walk away from him. But he didn't. Struck as he was by the sudden, ardent instant, he could sense how scared she was. Her heart remained broken, heavy of the painful memories from the past, and would be close to him, locked behind her walls… But he would save her. He would go past them, and show her that, if she allowed him to, he would do anything to make her happy.

The ship remained silent, and outside, the stars shone as if darkness didn't exist. But he knew. He had seen it. Covering his face with his only hand, he closed his eyes tightly, fighting back the tears he hadn't shed in more than two centuries… He promised her he would win her heart, fair and square. Healing it. Relieving it from its burdens, determined to see her smile… because of him. And she would never regret it. He had never had to struggle to win a woman before. But none of them had been like her. None had willingly walked away from him…

When the curse separated them, he was taken away from her, sinking him back in the sorrow of his broken heart, powerless to do anything to remain at her side, but telling her that, even with those impossible barriers, she would stay with him forever. A smile dared in his lips upon remembering his happiness when she opened the door that morning, just out of bed, with her hair tousled, but as beautiful as ever… and how he tried true love's kiss on her to bring back her memories, and she rejected him. He even wondered what would have happened if it had actually worked…

But their second, real kiss, was different. Sometimes the power of true love is underestimated, he thought. Because, although no curse was broken, nor was a pulse of magic, it had been a true love's kiss, saving them both. The first time had been intense, overflowing with passion and longing. But this time… passion was replaced by tenderness. And fear, by hope. They both decided, at the same time, that it had to stop. That keeping up the pretense was useless. They both leaned in at the same time, slowly, and their lips met as never before. Softly. Cherishing. His hand found her hair, as she wrapped hers in his head, bringing him closer, allowing herself for the first time to expose her true self in front of him. The first time they had kissed, their foreheads touched each other in the middle of the moment's heat and eagerness. But now, they weren't just touching. It was more than that. They _rested_ in one another. Knowing there was no turning back. That nothing would ever tear them apart again. He would always come back for her, and she would always trust him, knowing that her heart would be safe with him. And there was nothing else around them, the world was utterly gone. After loving her so deeply and for so long, all he could do was to kiss her like she was the only thing that mattered in the world (and in his world, she did)…

Killian smiled sadly, recalling the memory of most genuine happiness he had lived in more years that he could count, and which would never leave him. The brief look at each other, in the middle of their mutual adoration, knowing that both wanted this… The silence and the lack of words. Her smile, so sweet, full of peaceful joy… The way he was finally able to caress her face, the touch of her fair skin on his fingers... Everything was already said between them. The walls were down. And it had been worthy. That kiss was the only thing missing between them, hardly won, after a long, hard climb, with struggle, heartbreak, barriers of time and space… But the final decision to be happy, despite of all that.

The candle's flame was slowly consuming the old wax, but the silent room remained indifferent to the dying light. He moved, uneasy, in the thin mattress. And then…

"I love you", he heard in his head, a distant echo coming from the deep corners of his memory, as he saw once again the light fading from Milah's blue eyes, and her body falling inert in his arms with one last, short gasp. He hit the wall with his hook, in frustration and helplessness, as he bit his lower lip in anger. Why? Why, in all the realms and heavens, was he condemned to lose everyone he held close to his heart? Emma was his last chance to be happy, to forgive the world and let go of all that pain he had clung to for so long. She was his life, his love… his everything. If she wasn't there, the emptiness was unbearable, like a constant, endless cold that only her warmth could chase away.

Gods… He begged her not to do it. But she was determined. Her mind was made. _Damn, stubborn Swan_ , he thought. He had no choice but to see how darkness crawled over her, swallowing her completely. Taking away their happy ending in the blink of an eye. As a cruel torture, the memories of their happiness together kept appearing in his head. Their first date, how beautiful she was! _Stunning_ , he had said... Also, the moment she returned his heart to his chest and he kissed her so passionately…

And there, in the middle of the dim lit cabin, alone and quiet, he understood that her gesture back then was exactly what she had been doing since the moment they climbed that beanstalk together. That why he needed her so much, and loved her so deeply. Because of her, he had started feeling again. Just as she had his heart between her two hands back then, she held it completely since the moment they first kissed. Because of her, he had returned to his old, real self, his best version. The man of honour he never really stopped being. She had truly returned his heart to his chest. And now there was no turning back.

The persistent candle refused to disappear, and he stared at it, without really looking, with his head somewhere else, but not so far away from that. Because, deep inside of him, he hoped –almost begged–, Emma could do the same. She was the light that chased away his darkness, and he had the hope that she, wherever she was, could still keep the flame alive, resisting, strong as she naturally was. And suddenly his face lit up, in a hit of understanding. Darkness, as powerful as it was, couldn't overcome a being of pure light. And light, to extinguish the growing blackness, just had to exist. Emma was alive. There was hope. Her light wouldn't be consumed, if she was strong enough. After all, she had embraced darkness out the most powerful light magic of all. Love. _True_ love.

She would survive. The realization hit him like a lightning. Wherever she was, he knew, she wouldn't give up without a fight.

"Hold on, love", he said, out loud, as she could hear him. Slowly, he lifted his hand and brought it to his lips, brushing them against his fingertips, as if Emma, away as she was, could still feel the tender kiss he was never able to press to her lips.

"I love you, too."

* * *

 _ **Thoughts? Please, comment, I really want to know what you think (and not just about this one, but my other fics too)**_


End file.
